How do I found my personal power?
What is an Insight?
I got ‘hit by a realization.
When I say realization, I mean ‘insight and that is way more potent than intellectual knowledge. Insights are what you want to look at to craft, step by step, a life closer to your Soul’s purpose. Insights are personal information coming through you, available for your own personal guidance. It is that eye opening “haha moment of understanding that is felt in your whole body, if you are a little bit connected with yourself (which I invite you to be and you can reach out if you want more info on that). A bit like all your light bulbs are finally on. It’s not just in the head. Insight is information received and understood within our whole body and Self. When you wish for a change in your life, you can’t just use the head, you need to be connected with your whole Self. Those moments of guidance or intuition will lead you on your path.
Do you experience being stuck in your head?
What hit me like a ton of bricks (by the way, the expression is not really adequate, because there was no pain, only pure liberation and spaciousness) is: how much I have been losing my own personal power being stocked thinking about what I WAS NOT or WHAT BOX DO I IDENTIFY WITH? I was using only my head to try solving a problem my Ego was pointing out at me. Like who AM I? What’s my title, identity etc? While obviously this is a mind matter and a real answer would have to come from within to have real power. Not that the mind is not powerful enough (cause it is!), it’s exactly why it has to be balance with a connection with the body. I lost quite some time, trying to figure out this answer from a mind point of view.
Finding your Identity
I’m currently in a yearlong training with Dr Gabor Maté on trauma and plenty other beautiful things including his approach name COMPASSIONATE INQUIRY wich is a wonderful psychotherapeutic approach that is also somatic based. Very powerful and amazing approach to get to know yourself deeper.
The context is: I’ve been re-aligning myself closer and closer to what I AM, truly, to my Essence and to my full inner authenticity in the last years, and I realized I don’t fit in any boxes anymore. I can’t find a specific name for what I do, how I practice, how I BE in my daily life (wich can be categorized as “working in the healing Arts and living mindfully, but still it doesn’t feel fully complete). I just haven’t found a box that I’d like to be IN and this has been triggering my Ego big time. Well what do I do then? Who am I then? ANd I kept going that dead-end and a bit useless road.
As a practitioner in the Healing Arts I do all sorts of things (teaching yoga, massages & energy work, mentoring, breathwork, art, meditation class, courses on personal growth etc.).
My mind would constantly look for comparison and stick with what I WAS NOT:
I’m not a full teacher, neither a full therapist, I’m not an Occupational Therapist anymore (as I choose something different)… Giving and receiving therapy in my compassionate inquiry training course with “real therapist, physician and “psychologists kept me confronted to well I’m NOT a psychologist? Maybe I should just get that title and study that (and I know this road never ends, cause I’ve been studying for years!). Meanwhile, I receive warm validation of my ‘gifts and ‘special abilities, that I don’t seem to take. What does that mean exactly? It’s still confusing to me?
Am I a Healer, Spiritual guide, a Mentor?
Then more questions: Is there such things as healer in those days where we understand the power is within, no one will save you… but you can be guided back to you. I also don’t identify fully as a coach (as I don’t just give advice, actually not) and yoga teacher doesn’t fully reflect who I am as well, maybe spiritual guide? But I feel this could go more esoteric than how I view myself… so What do I say?
How the heck to I call myself?
Does Ego type of questions kept me trap, in a loop of feeling “not enough and I kept trying to hold onto something outside of me, I could rest on and identify on. All I could see was nothing, just confusion.
When confusion takes over, it’s a sign you need to connect with the body. You need to drop the mind for a moment or you offer your mind a little compassion. You become curious and ask your mind questions. “I know you really want to know, but what would it bring. what are you afraid of? what can’t you see?
And in the mist of this curiosity and new compassion, suddenly I REMEMBERED…
It’s not about WHAT I AM NOT but it’s about WHAT I AM.
Your mentor will guide you back inward, to YOU & GOD
I wanted a model or someone to reflect or tell me WHO AM I and what do I do, it felt weird to say… “I just do magic or miracles. Wich is kind a true when you know that miracles are just a shift in perception -A Course in Miracle/ Marianne Williamson. Still I didn’t have the confidence to speak in such a way. I wanted someone to tell me. I do work with guides and mentors and it helps me to stay aligned on my road, but at the end of the day their role is not to tell me WHO AM I, but to guide me back to my own source, my own inner GOD, my own Truth to see.
Eventually, I got closer to GOD. I promised him, I won’t back off again. He can uses me as he desires, I’m at his services.
Communication Within, with God, True Self or Higher Self
What’s your relation with yourself? I mean that’s a huge question… Let’s just say: how does your inner discourse sounds like? Do you noticed softer tone, voices or harsh and judgemental voices? Can you see where they come from? right side, left side… There is no good or bad answers here, it’s all just information. The key is to be curious about it. Bringing a loving distance and observation on your inner thoughts and adding compassion for what’s happening inside, will start leading you closer and closer within. To get to GOD (or higher Self, Universe, Nature) there’s an element of Trust. You can’t just “do like you are trusting. It’s a decision and commitment that one day you feel ready to take. You don’t need to push it. There is a time for everything.
Trust will continue get stronger and stronger with experiences and this became also key in opening to my own personal power.
Are you on a Sending and Receiving mode?
I have been connected with my intuition for years, but the main point is I have been fluctuating. I would go into phases where I would have clear answers and signs all the time and phases where I wouldn’t see or hear shit. Here’s the key point: when shit hit the fan, I would let myself go back into fear based beliefs (or old beliefs or childhood wounds, trauma I was unaware of), interrupting my trust. I would be back in my head ‘trying to think a way out or solution, and I would stop seeing any guidance. Now that I made the clear decision to TRUST, I have been experiencing support in so many forms. I also have been playing more and more in asking precise questions and I have been totally amazed by the answers I receive. Trust is my first tip, than the second tip would be the one I received from Tiffany Barsotti, PhD : make sure you know if you are in Sending or Receiving mode. This means rather than having a open conversation with God (wich is what I was doing for years), you want to be clear on I am asking a question and I am now waiting and receiving.
I asked GOD and got my response
Again, let’s not be slowed down by the word or name God. I know so much beliefs and ideas get together with this word, so please use whatever feels true to you. After asking several questions and receiving clear insights or responses, I decide to go ahead and ask my ‘unclear question about my Identity. The answer was not a specific title of course, like what my mind wanted. It was more like a bonus. The “felt sense in each of my cells that “I KNEW and I KNOW what I am. All of this didn’t matter. I suddenly felt and recognize ALL of my power. ALL the power I minimized for years. ALL the power I was too shy, not confidant enough, afraid (didn’t want to hurt people), what if I’m taking so much space (you know how the brain can make stories…) or humble or whatever you want to call it, but I finally recognized ALL the power I was not daring to shine in, and it was right there.
I understood what Personal Power meant
TODAY, for the first time, in 40 freaking years, after trying for so long to have outside validation, TODAY I got to see my OWN Personal Power. Yesss. Today I got to be freaking proud of myself.
And this… This… ‘simple (well ain’t simple, it didn’t completely came by itself) act of being proud of myself (wich was the blessing from God, the result of personal work, meditation whatever you give it to, but the result of where I am in my personal and beautiful and challenging but very loving personal Journey) was the answer I needed to complete my puzzle. Suddenly, this extra bit of Self-love allowed me the freedom to be whatever I needed to be, with or without title or box, cause who cares!
Please hear my hands clapping.
In a split second I realized: holly F*K … Marilou, you’ve been so freaking amazing, but not just of today, like since for ever!! Because… I’ve been breathing when it was fun and also when it was hard. Because… I’ve been constantly trying and standing up again when it was fun and when it was hard, because I also did freaking amazing things I was shy to shine too bright I didn’t recognize the full value of what I put in those things, but now I DO.
What I did was amazing. What I do is amazing
You know what? I followed my deepest dream. I became a professional kitesurfer and I never celebrated it! (I did it!! WTF!?! So now I celebrate it!). I freaking started a kiteschool with my husband in the middle of nowhere with no money and we made it all happen and you know what? It’s still successful, and I also never celebrated it (so now I do!!! Isn’t amazing??!! I mean a kiteschool in the stunning Caribbean living life differently). I also became a mom having no clue (and still have no clue), but every steps of the road I give it my all and I’m so freaking proud cause it’s not easy and gosh that I think I do a good job, cause I poor my whole heart in it all the time.
And YESS, yess I also co-own a spectacular hotel with a rustic and loving touch in nature, holding a concept of mindful stay since day 1!! I gave birth to that thing! And did I celebrate that? Nop, so today and all the days to come I will keep on celebrating my life!! There’s no timeline to be proud of yourself and it’s never too late.
It is not what you do, but it is who you are when you do it. This is the real freaking deal. That is how you live the life of your dream. Always ‘BEING first in any of your ‘DOING. This way, you can be PROUD of every single breathe!
So no, I understand I don’t need a specific title anymore. People who come here and experience life with me, know. I BE and I do my life and I take immense pleasure, joy and passion into feeling, being intuitive and guiding other people the same way I guide myself to my own personal connection and life.
I got MY answer.
Once more I am touching MY personal power.
And that feels soooo good.
I am extensively grateful for this divine and personal inner connection.
If that’s how you want to feel, reach out. There’s nothing too big, too small, nothing not possible.
Check out my website or Instagram. I have a self-pace course coming out January 2023 on Personal Power and I have a small healing group of mentoring starting in Feb 2023 wich you can already register. This is for those who are ready to step forward on their own inner power journey.
The rest is 1:1 online or at campbaylodge.com
Love to you, lots of love!!