Finding My WHY: Walking Through Hardship Without Pushing Myself

We’re never really ready. Not until something inside of us decides we are.

For years, I lived by the sea — “the dream” on the outside — while struggling like hell on the inside. Seven years of challenges, frustrations, breakdowns, and questions I still don’t fully understand. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did I keep going? And what exactly was I walking toward? The truth is… I still don’t know. Not with my mind, anyway.

There is a part of me — the small, scared “me” — that wants answers, guarantees, clarity. And then there is another part… a wiser one. The one that doesn’t push, doesn’t force, doesn’t hype me into “walking with fear.” This part simply knows. It speaks quietly. It says: keep going.

Not out of pressure — out of truth.

This journey has always been about listening deeper, not pushing harder. The way I interact with my inner world — my emotions, my thoughts, my fears — shapes everything.

From becoming a professional kitesurfer, to diving into spiritual practice, to building a mindful lodge on a remote island… the path has never been linear. It has been messy, chaotic, beautiful, and unbelievably difficult. I have questioned my choices, my strength, my dreams, my relationship, and Life itself.

I’ve wanted to quit more times than I can count. Something inside me often whispered: keep walking.

I know exactly what that “something” is.

It’s the calling that has been with me since childhood — the one I used to minimize, hide, laugh at, or sabotage with that old voice saying: “Who do you think you are?”

 

I followed that calling when I left everything to travel the world and chase an impossible dream. I followed it again when I dreamed of community, nature, connection, and a mindful place by the sea. And even in the hardest years — the ones that truly broke me open — the calling stayed. Looking back, yes, the pain feels disproportionate.

But the gains…?

They are real.

•I learned to navigate my emotions instead of suppressing them.

•I rediscovered my inner power — not based on skill, but on essence.

•I found clarity in my relationships and my boundaries.

•I learned to express myself honestly.

•And I finally befriended anger — instead of ignoring it.

These are not small gifts.

They are foundations.

 

Maybe the lesson wasn’t about “achieving the dream,” but about learning to trust life again — without needing to know where I’m going.

 

Maybe the WHY is not a place, a project, or a destiny.

Maybe it’s a connection within me.

A quiet knowing that guides me, protects me, and keeps me close to what’s real.

 

When I stop looking for external answers, the inner voice becomes clear: “You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to push. You’re already on the path.

Just trust, and keep walking.”

That is my WHY.

Not a form — an essence.

The part of me I want to nourish, again and again.

To learn more, click on my calendar 

with love,

Marilou

 

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